Opening Day Genesis

Opening Day Genesis.
BY GLENN BIRKEMEIER

- - - -

In the big inning, God created Heaven on Earth. And it
was without form, and void. God separated the dirt
from the grass. He called the grass Outfield and the
dirt He called Infield. God made the Infield a 90-foot
square and the Outfield not less than 400 feet to
center and 320 feet down the lines. He declared this
Fair Territory. All other territory, God then
declared, was Foul.

And God divided the players into two teams of nine
players each, under direction of a manager, to play
The Game on His field. God called some of these
players Pitchers and some of them Hitters. He placed a
Pitcher precisely 60 feet, 6 inches from a Hitter.
Then God commanded that it's one, two, three strikes
you're out at the ol' Ballgame.

And God granted jurisdiction of The Game to lesser
Gods, whom He called Umpires. God said the Umpires are
infallible, blessed with Heavenly authority, whose
judgment is not to be questioned under penalty of
expulsion from The Game. And God looked at his
creation and He was pleased. Then God created the
Infield Fly Rule to confuse nonbelievers.

And God said, Let there be light beer, and there was.
And, God said, let there be peanuts and hot dogs and
overpriced souvenirs and let there be frosty chocolate
malts with little wooden spoons that you can buy
nowhere else except at this Heaven, which God called a
Ballpark, and there was. God looked at His creation
and it was good.

And the Lord God formed, from the dust, a collection
of elite players in His own image. The Lord God then
breathed the breath of life into His creation. God
called this creation the National League.

And God said, It is not good for the National League
to be alone. The Lord God shall make it a mate. And
thus, while the National League slept, God took
several of its top players and created the American
League.

And God blessed The Game, saying, Be fruitful and
multiply. Put teams in every city with deserving fans,
God added, even if this occurs at the expense of
starting-pitching depth.

From time to time, God understood, The Game would be
corrupted by the Serpent. The Serpent was more cunning
than any other beast and he would take many wicked
forms: the Black Sox, segregation, the Designated
Hitter, the Reserve Clause, dead balls, juiced balls,
spit balls, corked bats, George Steinbrenner,
AstroTurf, the 1981 strike, collusion, lockouts, Pete
Rose, the 1994 strike, greenies, cocaine, HGH, Andro,
steroids, $20 parking, corporate mallparks, Scott
Boras, Donald Fehr, and Bud Selig.

But, God said, the goodness in The Game shall always
prevail. As needed, the Lord shall bestow upon The
Game a Savior. And the Savior, like the Serpent, can
take many forms. The Savior shall remind Fans how
blessed The Game truly is. The Savior shall be called
by many names, including Cy, Matty, Honus, Big Train,
the Babe, Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, Lou Gehrig,
Branch Rickey, Jackie Robinson, Buck O'Neil, Hank
Greenberg, Red Barber, Harry Carey, Vin Scully, Jack
Buck, Satchel Paige, Bill Veeck, Roberto Clemente,
Ernie Banks, Hammerin' Hank, Cool Papa, Dizzy, Lefty,
Whitey, Stan the Man, Big Klu, the Say Hey Kid, Campy,
Duke, the Mick, the Splendid Splinter, the Gas House
Gang, the Big Red Machine, the Damn Yankees, Pudge
Fisk, Pudge Rodriguez, Yaz, Pops, the Wizard of Oz,
Fernando, George Brett, Moonlight Graham, Roy Hobbs,
Wild Thing Vaughn, Bingo Long, the Ryan Express,
Donnie Baseball, Rickey, Eck, the Big Unit, the Cactus
League, Cal Ripken, Tony Gwynn, Camden Yards,
Rotisserie Drafts, Web Gems, Derek Jeter, Dontrelle
Willis, Vlad Guerrero, and, from the Far East, Ichiro.
And, God guaranteed, there are many more to come.

God looked upon His creation and He was very pleased.
And God spoke, yelling, PLAY BALL!

Until regular blogging resumes Tuesday after an extended Easter break...

...an observation.

Look how similar they look:

A really beautiful video...

...animated by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

The Subtle Bigotry of Conan O'Brien

This post is quasi-serious.

Now, i am a HUGE fan of Conan O'Brien and have been for years (not to toot my own horn, but i was the first person i know into Conan - we're talking Pimpbot/Andy days), but i've noticed something recently with Conan that my fellow paesanos with thinner (olive) skin may take to heart more than i do, and i feel that it is a case of people just not giving a shit about Italian-Americans.

So, Max Weinberg is on vacation, and the de facto leader of the Max Weinberg 7 is Jimmy Vivino, the guitar player for the MW7. In fact, the band is addressed during Max's absence as "Jimmy Vivino and the Max Weinberg 7."



Whenever Conan introduces the band, he takes on an almost Super Mario-esque accent and says "Ah-Jimmy Vee-vee-no and-ah the-ah Max-ah Weinberg 7!"

Now.

Let me say again, i don't care. I make jokes about being Italian all the time (like that i sweat olive oil), but here is where i have a slight issue with Conesy:

Imagine if every night, Conan adopted a Jackie Mason inspired accent and introduced the band as "Eh? Max Whine-bug and the eh Max-eh Whine-bug-eh seven?" Or gave it a Woody Allen-esque treatment? The ACLU would be over that in a matter of minutes.

Imagine the absurdity if Yo Yo Ma ever sat in and Conan did a traditional 'replace the l's and the r's' and said something like "Putting down his flied lice, Yo Yo Ma and the Max Weinberg Seven!"

I hope Vivino's back-up isn't MW7 bassist, and African-American gentleman, Mike Merritt isn't in charge of the band, leading to an Ebonics infused introduction!

Of course, i really don't think O'Brien is conscious of this, nor do i really have a problem with it. What makes it even more curious, is that unlike Jon Stewart who adopts a Jew-y voice frequently, but can because he's Jewish, O'Brien is not Italian at all.

I also understand that Italians have not suffered the discrimination of the Jewish, Asian, or African-Americans of late, but i still see this as an interesting double standard.

So, the question is begged, how can Conan redeem himself to the Italian-American community? Easy.

Have me as a guest on the show.

Wow

Wow.

(For the real point of interest, scroll down to right below the picture of DMX in the desert)

Thanks to Dan for the head's up.

Random Links, etc.

Starbucks selling out? Don't you have to have credibility to lose it?

8 years after my silver-medal winning Academic Decathlon speech about making mix-tapes (key line: "On a Salvatore mix, Bach and Beck don't just sit next to each other alphabetically..."), Newsweek has gotten in the game, albeit after the year in which cassettes ceased being mass-manufactured.

This story is intriguing - a Hasidic Jew was hired to play, shockingly, a Hasidic Jew in a new Natalie Portman film and after receiving all sorts of threats from his community, quit the project. I understand that because Hasidic Jews do not watch films or television that they may shun a member of the community from being in a film - but who better to represent this oft-misunderstood group than a member of the group itself?

And finally, Eliot Spitzer's call-girl has reportedly made $200,000 in under a week from online sales of her music, despite the song being on Z100's playlist for only 24 hours or so. Who do i need to sleep with to make a few hundred grand off of "Gypsy Waltz?"

This gets interesting (for me) around 1:15...

I have never heard Michael Moore talk about his faith before - interesting...

How the Real World: Los Angeles ruined television

Through the magic of Google Reader, i stumble across all sorts of brilliance, hilarity, news and intrigue every day. Some days (like today) i have time to read a few articles - on other days, i simply "star" them and read them on a day i have more time (like today).

Well, a few weeks ago, i starred an article about how the Real World: Los Angeles (Season 2 to those who used to watch) ruined television forever. I tend to agree. This article is a MUST read. Take five minutes and nod your head with each point, like i just did.

The Daily Show Vs. The Colbert Report

This is a discussion my wife and i had the other night - which is the superior program, The Daily Show or the Colbert Report?

Let me say right off the bat, that i am a huge fan of both programs. 11pm-midnight is the best hour of nightly TV solely because of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and either show makes me laugh a good bit and always leaves me feeling a little bit smarter for watching, too.

However, i will come out and definitively say that i believe the Daily Show is the superior show. I have three points that will illustrate why:

1) Stewart is the straight-man to the absurdity of both the real-world and his correspondents - Because he has no 'character' to play, Stewart's voice is often the echo of our own, and can truly point out the absurdity of the political, entertainment and news worlds. This is unlike Colbert, who by design is more absurd than the people he mocks and rarely breaks character. Although we may laugh at Colbert, we laugh with Stewart.

2) The Daily Show offers more variety - The Report is a set-based program, whereas the Daily Show uses the world as its stage with segments filmed all over the world (as well as the almost nightly green screened-scenarios). Similarly, Colbert is his show - Stewart has a slew of corespondents (of which Colbert used to be) to riff off of, send to do a piece in Iceland, Iowa or the Starbucks, and use to illustrate the humor in whatever situation arises.

3) Stewart is truly invested in his guests - I am always pleasantly surprised to see Stewart's interviews - he has seen the film his guest is promoting, read their book, and knows their policies. Very rarely does Colbert know much more than a few points found within each book featured on the show, whereas Stewart will pull obscure passages, ask for clarification, and generally be truly knowledgeable about his guest and their work. As someone who watches a lot of late-night TV, i appreciate this integrity you see nowhere south of Charlie Rose.

Like i said, i love both shows - seeing John Legend and Colbert duet on the Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson classic "The Girl is Mine" last week had me cracking up, and i thought Monday's piece on George McGovern was excellent. However, for my money, the Daily Show slightly edges out the Colbert Report in its "must watch"-iness.

What do you think?

If i were Willie Randolph and/or Omar Minaya... (March Edition)

...this is what my 25 man roster would look like out of Spring Training:

Starting Pitchers:

1. Johan Santana (lefty)
2. Pedro Martinez (righty)
3. John Maine (righty)
4. Oliver Perez (lefty)
5. Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez (righty)

Bullpen:

6. Matt Wise (righty with a killer change-up)
7. Steve Register (righty who led all the minor leagues in saves last year)
8. Scott Schoenweiss (lefty innings eater/sometimes lefty specialist)
9. Pedro Feliciano (lefty specialist who can get righties out too)
10. Duaner Sanchez (righty set-up man with outstanding movement on his pitches, likely 8th inning guy)
11. Aaron Heilman (righty set-up man whose change-up neutralizes left-handed hitting, likely 7th inning guy)
12. Billy Wagner (lefty closer)

Starting Position Players:

13. Carlos Delgado (lefty, First Base)
14. Luis Castillo (switch hitter, Second Base)
15. David Wright (righty, Third Base)
16. Jose Reyes (switch hitter, Short Stop)
17. Angel Pagan (switch hitter, Left Field)
18. Carlos Beltran (switch hitter, Center Field)
19. Ryan Church (lefty, Right Field)
20. Brian Schneider (lefty, Catcher)

Bench:

21. Marlon Anderson (Lefty utility player)
22. Ramon Castro (Righty catcher)
23. Damien Easley (Righty utility player)
24. Endy Chavez (Lefty outfielder)
25. Jose Valentin (Switch-hitting but really a lefty utility player)

So as you can see, i would not start El Duque off in the bullpen (as many have suggested to make room for Mike Pefrey as the #5 starter), even though i am relatively ambivalent on this. If he is healthy enough to start the season off the DL, let Pelfrey start the year off in AAA, and he'll still get 20 starts this year with injuries and whatnot. If not, i think Pelfrey is the pitcher of the future for the Mets, and he'd be ready to start this year on the big club if not for Duque and his contract. I don't currently have a space for Jorge Sosa in my bullpen (i'd rather take Nelson Figueroa if a spot opens up, or even Ricardo Rincon), and i'm not sure if he's out of options or not, but regardless i may try and trade him for a Marcus Thames or a Tony Clark - a solid, right-handed backup first baseman who would, sadly, take Valentin's spot off the bench. I love the 'Stache, but his time may have come. In fact, pair him up with Sosa to sweeten the pot a little - he could certainly be an effective left-handed bat off the bench of many teams - the Mets just have a glut of younger, more versatile lefties (including 'may make the opening day roster if Valentin isn't ready' Ruben Gotay). But hey, this is all speculation, and if a backup 1B can't be acquired via trade, we may be in for another 'Stache-tastic year in Queens.

I like Register's stuff out of the 'pen, and he was a Rule V draft choice, which means if the Mets don't keep him on the roster all year, he can be offered back to the Rockies for $50,000, which they would most likely take. So, i advocate a spot for him the bullpen - plus, he puts the bullpen at a nice 4-3 righties to lefties balance.

The bench i'm pretty o.k. with - but i'm glad that Anderson Hernandez, Ben Johnson and Fernando Martinez are waiting in the wings when injury inevitably befalls one of our starters and a bench spot opens up. The aforementioned Gotay is out of options, so if he doesn't make the opening day roster, he may be gone by Opening Day, which upsets me because i like Ruben and think that his versatility as a switch-hitting infielder would be useful. It's really a coin-toss between he and Valentin for the final roster spot, and i'll be upset either way, unfortunately.

Angel Pagan will most likely make the team because of Alou's hernia surgery - plus, this guy earned in during Spring Training - he hustles out of the box and has been a hitting machine. However, i'm pretty sure he still has options, and may wind up at AAA for at least part of this season.

There are no easy decisions here, and i don't envy Minaya and Randolph right now. However, i think that their plan of "veterans, veterans, veterans" is a poor one, and would like to see the Pelfreys, Pagans and Gotays get their shot to make the club, but who knows. I think once a month i'll be doing a "If i were Willie Randolph and/or Omar Minaya" column, so you non-baseball fans, get ready...

Relatively New Music Review: Rivers Cuomo - Alone : The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo

I am a sucker for anything from 1994-2000-period Weezer. Their first two records, along with the 2000 Summer Tour were huge in my musical development. Without Weezer, i may have never heard the Pixies, or paid as much attention to mid-60s Beach Boys, or found Petra Haden, or missed out on various other musical connections without the songs of Rivers Cuomo.

I also think that Pinkerton, their second record, is one of the finest records of the 1990s. I still listen to that album quite a bit, and its sensibilities are easy to identify with - loud, messy, intricately written, analog-y, and super personal.

To my ears, Pinkerton is an example of what is great about musicians playing in a room with minimal interference - which, essentially, is what a demo is - a 'demonstration' of what the song could be if embellished further. So even though i haven't been totally sold on a Weezer record since the Clinton administration, i was very excited about this release.

There are a few questionable covers in this melange - "The World We Love So Much" by Gregg Alexander and "The Bomb" by Ice Cube. The Alexander cover is of little interest to anyone outside of the truly fanatical Cuomo or Alexander circles, and the Cube cover is more of a laugh than anything else (for me at least). They fit in this collection, in my eyes, as a reminder that these are "home" recordings, and that sometimes at home, when not on the clock, it seems like a good idea to cover a hip-hop track.

And for old-school Weezer fans, the first 2/3rds of the tracklist are a dream come true - one of songs ("Lemonade") from the "50 Song" project between Cuomo and (Weezer drummer) Pat Wilson that pre-date Weezer, 4 tracks from the aborted Songs From the Black Hole (which eventually became Pinkerton), a "Buddy Holly" demo, and the long-available online gems "Chess" and "Longtime Sunshine" in cleaned-up, higher-fidelity versions.

And that is where the bulk of the highlights come from. I have long sought after more of the Songs From the Black Hole songs and they are fascinating - i can't really say i wish that Cuomo finished it because i think ultimately Pinkerton is a far better record than a rock opera about a mission to space featuring young co-eds from a space academy, but "Blast Off" is a fine rocker that might be a little clunky lyrically, but is catchy as hell and even features a nice Vocoder part. "Superfriend" is a fun song too - and makes up for the two other Black Hole songs, "Who You Calling Bitch?" and "Dude, We're Finally Landing!," whose titles sound like "Weird" Al songs but sound like awkward attempts at a musical based around a space mission featuring young co-eds from a space academy (which is precisely what they are, see above). The three-part harmony on "Landing" is actually pretty cool but is just so goofy it can't be taken seriously. From the same era is "Wanda," a terribly laughable lyric written for the film Angus, which i adore in a geeky middle school way. The melody is pretty enough, but those lyrics Cuomo, come on.

However, once we move past the Pinkerton-era, the quality takes a sharp turn for the mediocre. We start off promisingly, with "Lover in the Snow," a great Nick Lowe-esque power-pop tune and then segue into the borderline boring, "Green Album"-ish "Crazy One." When listening to this tune in the context of the record it is pleasant enough, but put up against the earlier songs, it just appears dull. We then move to the almost R. Kelly-ish "This is the Way," an almost laughable attempt at smooth-R&B. Right behind it is "Little Diane," the Dion classic, with a rare warbly vocal performance and by-the-numbers backing by the usually wonderful pop band Sloan.

The record closes with "I Was Made For You," which i keep wanting to call "I Was Made For Loving You," the terrible Kiss attempt at disco, which again sounds like a late-period Weezer outtake (which is ostensibly what it is), but isn't really anything special.

But again - these are demos - they weren't created for the ears of you or i - they were meant to capture ideas and then cultivate them elsewhere. Cuomo wanted to share these with his fans, and that is fair enough, but by releasing a record of demos, he is subjecting his tossed off demos to be critically evaluated like a proper record, with its $200 an hour studio price-tag and professional engineers. And when looked at as a record, Alone is pretty uneven and, sadly, shows a late-career lilt that many, including myself, hoped this record would explain or justify by showing that Cuomo's bandmates, label or producers shelved the really good stuff leaving it to be released on this odds and ends compilation.

However, this record is as frustrating as the "official" Weezer canon - a fantastic one-two start, and then three subsequent records with flashes of brilliance muddled underneath too-conventional structures and no guitar solos (Weezer, aka the Green Album), a shred-heavy, almost metallic guitar sound (Maldroit) or bland production and radio-aim (Make Believe). I don't think i'm alone in the bank of Weezer fans who, like fans of a beloved sports team, hope that each next try can recapture that old magic. But Alone, unfortunately, shows us that we may have some more waiting to do.

Rating: .71 out of 1.21 jigowatts.

Restaurant Review - Los Pollitos II, Brooklyn NY

So last night i went out to dinner with a visitor from the United Kingdom, and he wanted to have some good Mexican food. So, after a few quick internet searches, while eliminating factors like yuppie-ish, overly expensive and 'known for their margaritas,' i stumbled upon Los Pollitos II, on 5th ave in Brooklyn.

So despite me getting turned around where Flatbush Ave makes a hard right turn, we found the place and had no wait getting a table (at 7pm on a Saturday, mind you). We were escorted to the back room, which was lit and heated by some sort of giant Frankenstein-ian fire lamp, right out of a James Whale film (imagine this on HGH).

The menu was impressively diverse and authentic (no hard shell tacos here, gringo!) and we decided to have two soft tacos as appetizers, before having enchiladas (him) and a chille relleno (me).

I went with two Al Pastor tacos (spicy pork and pineapple) that kicked so much ass its hard to even articulate it. The pineapple was tender and sweet, and the pork had just a little kick to it (i'd have preferred it a little spicier, but now i'm just being a brat), not to mention the two fresh tortillas the tacos were in - plus they gave you a wedge of lime for each taco, which always is appreciated. The tacos were outstanding, although they should've offered us some salsa for them - but again, i'm just being a brat.

The relleno i got was also excellent, especially because the last one i got was for a work-event at On the Border, a restaurant i hate more and more each time i'm in there. That place is such a bastardization of Mexican food - it makes Taco Bell look authentic for fuck's sake. I washed this all down with a Presidente with lime.

I would certainly go back again, not just because of the great food, but the place was well-staffed and a decent atmosphere, and the price was right (just about $20 for a meal that left me stuffed all night).

1.11 out of 1.21 jigowatts.

Relatively New Music Review - Girl Talk - Night Ripper

For the small portion of the world that doesn't know, i'm a giant nerd. Like, a GIANT nerd. When i was in high school, my two best friends and i used to have what we called "Nerdfest" - Nerdfest was when the three of us would stay up half the night watching movies and playing N64, while eating lots of junk food. One of the featured viewings at Nerdfest was Mystery Science Theater 3000.

I am a huge MSTie and am always trying to convince people (like my wife) how hilarious/brilliant the show was. However, what i have realized about trying to introduce people to the show is that they need to get at least 60% of the references to even remotely enjoy the show. When Mike and the bots in my favorite episode, The Final Sacrifice, reference Larry Csonka, Geddy Lee, the Wizard of Id, Hawkwind, "youth-dew," Mrs. Costanza, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Tom Waits' Bone Machine album, Yosemite Sam, Ray Davies, the WWF, etc, if you aren't a pop-culture savant, you're going to be more than a little lost.

And that is precisely the problem with Night Ripper, the newest record from Girl Talk, a project of Greg Gillis, where he creates new music entirely out of samples. And not rare, obscure samples - Notorious B.I.G. songs, Elton John piano licks, Weezer guitar solos, "Bittersweet Symphony," etc.

To me, the fun of this record is almost entirely encapsulated on the first listen. "Holy shit! That's the bass-line from Better than Ezra's 'Good!' Wow, are those the vocals from 'Friends of P' by the Rentals?" The fun is much like that of an I Spy book that 4 year olds worldwide love - finding the familiar hidden in the dense collage.

Now let me just say, i am thoroughly impressed with Gillis's skills as a compiler/mixer - he has an ear for finding parallel rhythms and interesting mashes, and i think this is a great party record. However, unlike one of my favorite all time records, Paul's Boutique by the Beastie Boys, the samples never really coalesce into something greater than the sum of their parts.

Part of my non-love for this record may come from the reality that many of the vocals come from the type of hip-hop/dance music i have little to no interest in. The only reason i know that he uses the Ying Yang Twins is that i know Richard Cheese's cover of "Badd." I can recognize D12's only hit, but these aren't artists that i typically choose to listen to. I may be able to peg down where i know the "dirty south" line comes from (its from an Aaliyah song), but do i need to pluck it from my mental "pop music 1995-2005" filing cabinet to enjoy its use on this record?

Would i really love a Girl Talk song if i didn't know the ingredients that went into it? I don't think so. The fun is in the taste-test and the marvel of all the countless hours of hard work that went into making this music. I hope this review is clear in my admiration for the craft of Night Ripper, but just like i can respect the bravado of a NASCAR driver but never want to see one fucking minute of a race, i think i'll pass on the next Girl Talk record. But i hope some guy plays it at a party that i'm inexplicably at one day (because nerds don't get invited to parties).

Rating - .41 out of 1.21 Jigowatts.

(a brief explanation of the rating scale, from lowest to highest:
.01
.11
.21
.31
.41
.51
.61
.71
.81
.91
1.01
1.11
1.21)

Pork Tacos Recipe

For our weekly LOST party last night, i made slow-cooker pork tacos that kicked ass. The best part? It was super-easy (got the recipe from a Crock Pot cookbook my mom gave me - thanks Mom!):

2lbs boneless pork roast (i went with the pre-smoked butt shoulder, but you don't have to)
1 can of green chilies (i used about half a jar of jarred jalapenos, because that's what i had handy)
1 cup salsa
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper

Cook on low for 8 hours.

The meat was super tender and flavorful. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. I also made some nachos with chorizo that seemed to be a hit. We washed them down with some Rising Moon beer - and after our friends left, i beat the wifey at Wii bowling for the 3rd and 4th time that day, read a chapter in my Frankenstein book and fell asleep on the couch. A good night all in all.

Where's Nite Owl's gut?

The first pictures of The Comedian, Nite Owl, Ozymandius, Rorshach, and Silk Spectre from next year's Watchmen film.

I'm thoroughly impressed with 2 of them, fine with one of them, eh on one, and disappointed with one. I'll let you decide.

My review of Watchmen (the comic) will be posted in the next week or so.

You're With Me, Leather

How did this take so long to come to my attention?

For those to lazy to click ahead...

(from Wikipedia)

An anonymous contributor to Deadspin, whom the site's editor Will Leitch calls "a respected journalist," claims that in the mid-1990s, he was flirting in a bar with an attractive woman wearing leather pants. However, his efforts proved unsuccessful when ESPN's Chris Berman, who was in Scottsdale to cover baseball spring training, walked by and told the woman "You're with me, leather." The woman immediately got up and left the bar with Berman.

Relatively New Music Review: The Weakerthans - Reunion Tour

The Weakerthans are a band who only have two fans i know besides myself: my friend Dean from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada and Megan, the sister of a girl in my Youth Group, who has really good taste in both literature and music. In some ways, that tells you everything you need to know about John K. Samson and co. - they are enjoyed by Canadians and those with meticulous, discerning ears and a love of words.

To me, the Weakerthans are the best "literate rock" out there - surely blasphemy to fans of the Silver Jews and/or the Mountain Goats. However, the Weakerthans put much more thought into their arrangements, melodies and avoiding general blandness than either the Jews or the Goats do, and in my opinion Samson is the least-grating vocalist of the three (no great feat, as i'm sure many people aren't big fans of his nasal delivery either - but hey, i dig it quite a bit). I first heard the band my senior year in college, as i was going through (literally) dozens of mail crates full of CDs sent to my college radio station, WdSR and i saw the cover for their Reconstruction Site record and thought, "Is that cover art by Marcel Dzama?" (And yes, it was)

That record has been a steady favorite of mine ever since and has an ability unlike many other records to have a new song become my favorite every 6 months or so (right now, it is the title track). So it was with bated breath that i anticipated the release of Reunion Tour.

Mostly gone are the lap steel and organ of the prior record, and in their place are more electric guitars and a little more ambient noise. At first, i was disappointed by this turn of events. However, upon further listens, this record exposes itself as an equally well thought-out arrangement as my beloved Reconstruction Site, just painted with a different set of watercolors.

Part of the reason i really enjoy Samson's lyrics is that, like my favorite lyricist, Frank Black, Samson has no problem telling a tale in his songs - they are not all burning confessions and soul-bearing ballads. Tales of the trans-gendered, of a city bus driver, of a beloved hockey star (c'mon, they're Canadian, did you expect a hockey-free record?), a song about a women's curling championship (again, they're from Winnipeg) and their second track from the perspective of a cat named Virtue are all featured on Reunion Tour - some more gracefully than others. "Elegy for Gump Worsley," the aforementioned hockey-ode is nothing more than spoken word on top of a laid back tune and feels a bit clunky and misguided (it appears as if they REALLY wanted to honor Worsley but had no melodic inspiration so decided, "fuck melody, let's just talk Gump for two and a half minutes").

"Civil Twilight" begins the album with a heavily-effected electric guitar, which continues throughout the song, guiding it to a unique rhythmic pattern that sets the tune apart from many of their other up-tempo songs. Elsewhere, "Bigfoot!" appears to have stolen a title and instrumentation from a Sufjan Stevens song, and along with "Worsley" are the only real gambles that don't deliver.

"Tournament of Hearts," the aforementioned curling song, is so damn catchy that i find the melody popping into my head even while listening to other songs and is easily my favorite track on the album. "Hymn of the Medical Oddity" is the only track that really sounds like it could've been a Reconstruction Site leftover, not in a bad way, and yet the whole album feels like a logical follow-up - albeit in the usually backwards direction of adding electric guitars instead of subtracting them as a band gets older.

I am going to see the Weakerthans in April, and i am interested to see what kind of fans show up. All they all ex-pats from the Great White North? Like Megan, Nicholson Baker aficionados? People reading books between sets (like i do at shows)? What type of music fans don't care if the lyrics don't rhyme most of the time? Are their fans all alcoholics who love the beer/bartender featured in many of their songs? I am thoroughly fascinated - almost as excited to spy the crowd as i am to hear the band live for the first time.

Rating - .91 out of 1.21 Jigowatts.

(a brief explanation of the rating scale, from lowest to highest:
.01
.11
.21
.31
.41
.51
.61
.71
.81
.91
1.01
1.11
1.21)

Blog to the Future, Part 1

So i know what many of you will say - i abandoned my first blog, and never really got the second one off the ground. Well - the first blog got stale in that format, and the second blog's format was too restrictive - so here we are, at the infinitely-better-titled Blog to the Future, where i will share opinions, recipes, links and the occasional stab at originality and/or humor.

Quick Hits:

Last night was a big disappointment to us Obama supporters. However, he came out of it with almost the same delegate lead as he had going in, so not all is lost. Plus, who can trust states that a) elected George W. Bush as governor, and b) handed George W. Bush the 2004 election on a dirty, filthy silver platter?

I've got full-on Spring Training fever. So much so that i've been DVRing all the televised Mets games and watching them, despite not counting and already knowing the score many times, just to check on the development of my beloved Metropolitans.

I've got a ticket to see the Breeders in June, and i'm pretty excited about it. They are one of the few bands left on my "must see before they retire/i die" list. In fact, they may be the last one that i would really kick myself over.

LOST has been blowing my mind. "The Constant" may be the most confusing yet satisfying episode yet.

Stay tuned later today for a record review or two, featuring my new, patented "Jigowatts" rating system (hint: 1.21 is the best you can score).